Everyone's Flippin' Out! Mamoru Goes Nuts!
by MarsFireSoul2500
Summary: Usagi finds out one of Mamoru's secrets


The door to Mamoru's Apartment burst open and slammed against the wall.  
Usagi: MAMO-CHAAAAN!  
Usagi yelled in a singsong tone. She stepped in and noticed the whole place was dark and empty.  
Usagi: Hmm? Mamo-chan?  
She flicked on the lights and walked further inside. She set down a box of cookies that she had brought for Mamoru on his coffee table. Usagi sat down on the nearby couch and waited for him to get back from wherever he had gone.

S title screen & title music  
Sailor Moon S  
Everyone's Flippin' Out!  
Mamoru Goes Nuts!

Usagi: I wonder where he could be?  
She got up and went into the kitchen to get a drink. In the fridge, she saw Cream soda, bottled water, ziplioc bags filled with blood, and applejuice.  
Usagi: Ah, applejuice!  
She didn't even bother to pour it into a glass, she just drank right from the bottle.  
Usagi: MMM fruity - Just like Mamo-chan!  
Then all of a sudden, she spilled some onto her tight and skimpy white shirt.  
Usagi: Oh, darn!  
Usagi ran around the apartment, screaming,  
Usagi: Nipples! Nipples!  
She stopped after she tripped over a baseball bat lying around on the floor. She fell on her butt and began chuckling.  
Usagi: Mamo-chan, play baseball?  
She began laughing even harder. Usagi sighed.  
Usagi: I better change out of this shirt. I'll never get any if he sees me wearing this messy top with juice spilled all over it.  
She said, pulling at the front and looking down her chest. Usagi got up and went into Mamoru's room.  
Usagi: I hope Mamo-chan won't mind me using one of his.  
Usagi oped up his dresser drawers and began searching for a new shirt.  
Usagi: Hmm... Tube socks... Lotion... Leather thongs... Vibrators... A book on AIDS... Where are his shirts?  
She then tried the very last drawer before moving on.  
Usagi: Boxers! What's that all about!  
She went over to the other side of the room and into the closet.  
Usagi: I just don't understand why on God's green Earth Mamo-chan would have such things as _boxers_! What the hell does he do with _those_!  
As soon as Usagi opened it, Ami's lifeless body fell on her.  
Usagi: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!  
She took a deep breath.  
Usagi: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!  
She backed away.  
Usagi: Ami-chan!  
She also saw that Ami seemed to be missing her eyes and ears - As if they were chopped clean off and plucked right out. Usagi grinned.  
Usagi: Cool. Now you're dead. Now I get to have that cool little computer thingy that you never let me touch!  
She cupped her hand around her ear and, in a softer tone of voice, asked,  
Usagi: What's that? Over you're dead body, you say? Well...  
Usagi then stepped onto Ami's back and began dancing all over her, laughing the whole time.  
Usagi: Not that it'll be of any use to you anyway since you're missing your eyes. Oh, and you're dead, too!  
Suddenly, she heard the front door open and Mamoru's voice. Usagi picked up Ami's body and threw it back into the closet, then got inside as well and hid. She kept extremely quiet so that she wouldn't be heard. Then Mamoru laughed really loudly. Usagi also heard a woman laugh.  
Usagi: Another woman? This is seriously confusing me...  
She waited in the closet as Mamoru and his guest talked out in the living room. There were slits throughout the doors that resembled blinds and she could see between them. Finally, Mamoru and the woman came into the bedroom. Usagi gasped when she saw who it was.  
Usagi: SETSUNA-SAN!  
Setsuna clung on Mamoru's arm.  
Setsuna: Oh, Mamoru! On the first date?  
She giggled.  
Setsuna: Oh, you're so naughty!  
She layed on the bed and spread herself out across it.  
Setsuna: Hurry up, Mamoru! Let's do it!  
Usagi grumbled to herself.  
Mamoru: Wait.  
He said,  
Mamoru: I have something for you.  
He went out of the room for a minute, then returned with a nail gun. Setsuna laughed.  
Setsuna: Is _that_ for _me_? Really?  
Then she laughed harder, thinking it was a big joke. Usagi's eyes widened.  
Usagi: Oh, no...  
Mamoru joined in laughing, then he lifted the nail gun to her face and pulled the trigger. Usagi quickly shut her eyes. Twenty, thirty, fourty loud blasts shot from the nail gun. Then there was silence. Usagi opened her eyes and saw only a bloody blanket being dragged out of the room with Setsuna's body, lying limp in one half, and covered with the rest. A bloody arm was the only sign of Setsuna's body hanging out of the wrapped blanket. When the blanket was fully out of the room, Mamoru shut the door behind him. Usagi cautiously stepped out of the closet when suddenly, she heard a smothered beeping sound.  
Usagi: Oh, yeah! I almost forgot! Ami's little computer thingy!  
She dug through Ami's pockets and pulled out the mini computer. Usagi chuckled. The beeping still continued.  
Usagi: Someone must be trying to reach Ami-chan...  
She fished into Ami's other pocket and pulled out her communicator. Usagi turned it on and heard Rei's voice.  
Rei: Ami-chan? Ar... ou ...re?  
Usagi: What? You're breaking up!  
Rei: He... o?  
Usagi: What!  
Rei: Ca... r... me n...  
Usagi shook the communicator.  
Usagi: Damn this thing... I can't hear you!  
Rei: Ca... r... me n... Ami-chan? Can you hear me now? Ami-chan?  
Usagi began to laugh.  
Usagi: Ami-chan can't hear you, but I can.  
Rei: Usagi-chan? What are you doing with Ami's communicator?  
Usagi: Ami-chan doesn't have ears anymore, so she doesn't need this.  
Rei: What do you mean 'she doesn't have ears'?  
Usagi heard the front door shut.  
Usagi: Rei-chan, I'll explain everything later. Right now, I need some applejuice. I've had a very traumatic day.  
Rei: Usa-!  
Usagi turned off the communicator and tossed it at Ami's body. It bounced off her crotch, then fell to the floor. She left Mamoru's room and went out into the hallway. The whole place was dark. She slowly crept through the darkness until she was near the kitchen and saw a light shining from the ajar freezer. A foot away was the baseball bat - still lying on the floor where she had seen it last. Usagi picked it up and peeked into the kitchen. No one was there, but she went in, reluctanly. Slowly, step by step, she inched toward the open freezer. When she finally got there, she was absolutely horrified at what she saw. Setsuna and Hotaru's dicapitated heads, each placed on a blood spattered dish, set neatly on a shelf.  
Usagi: EEEEEWWWW!  
She squealed, as she backed away, dropping the bat. She kept backing up until she bumped into something. Something that grabbed both her shoulders when she hit into it.  
Usagi: Mamo-chan!  
She screamed, turning around. He was covered in blood and there was a crimson coated ax at his side.  
Mamoru: So you've found out my little secret.  
Usagi: Are you sure we're talking about the same thing, here?  
She asked in a skeptical manor, hinting his 'size'.  
Usagi: And what were you thinking courting little Hotaru-chan here! She isn't a hooker like Set is!  
Mamoru: ...Yes she is.  
Usagi tilted her head.  
Usagi: She is?  
Mamoru: Yeah, Set got her a job down at the whore house. Didn't you know?  
Usagi: No, I guess not.  
She stood in thought for a minute. Mamoru picked at something in his teeth with his tongue.  
Usagi: Anyway...  
She said, getting back into her dramatic mode,  
Usagi: Mamo-chan... What's happened to you? This isn't like you at all! Usually, you're much... I don't know... Frutier.  
Mamoru switched on the lights.  
Mamoru: It's all for the love of my life.  
Usagi suddenly got extremely perky.  
Usagi: Oh, Mamo-chan, you didn't have to do all of this for me!  
She said, in a flirtatious fashion, giggling.  
Mamoru: Not you, fool!  
He snapped,  
Mamoru: I'm talking about... Chibi-usa!  
Usagi gasped so big, she almost choked. And when she caught herself, she began laughing hysterically.  
Usagi: Okay, Mamo-chan, whatever floats that little boat of yours. I mean, if she turns your screw, then hey - by all means, buddy.  
She stumbled over to the door, still laughing.  
Usagi: Have a nice life, buddy!  
Then she left.

THE END

Usagi: Wow, looks like I'll have to find a new boyfriend! Mamo-chan has ISSUES!  
Minako: Wait, I'm confused. So, like, is he gay or what?  
Usagi: Eh?  
Makoto: Well, first he's goin' off with other men, then he's choppin' up whores to get with Chibi-usa, then he goes and crossdresses. What's his deal?  
Usagi: Maybe he likes variety?  
Rei: He can't make up his damn mind!  
Usagi: Well at least Ami-chan's dead. Again.  
Makoto: She's such a bother...  
Usagi: Sailor Moon says!


End file.
